English on the Internet - Fun

Have Fun 2

Just jokes

Waiter, this plate is wet.
That's your soup, sir.

How did you find the steak, sir?
I just moved the potato and there it was.

How do you know when you are getting old?
When the cake costs less than the candles.

How long will the next bus be?
Oh, about ten metres, I expect.

How old are you?
Thirty-three, but I don't look it, do I?
No, but you used to.

Teacher: Did your sister help you with your homework?
Student: No, she did all of it.
Teacher: If I had eight oranges in my right hand and nine in my left hand, what would I have?
Student: Full hands, sir.

Teacher: What is HNO3?
Student: Just a minute. It's on the tip of my tongue.
Teacher: Well, in that case, spit it out fast. It's nitric acid.

Mum, I'm going to buy you a nice teapot for your birthday.
But I've already got one.
No, you haven't. I've just dropped it.

Passenger: I'd like this bag to go to London, this one to Paris and this one to Rome.
Clerk: I'm sorry, sir. We can't do that.
Passenger: Rubbish! That's what you did the last time I flew with your airline.

Passenger: Taxi driver, how much to the station?
Taxi driver: Ten pounds, sir.
Passenger: And how much for my suitcase?
Taxi driver: Nothing, sir.
Passenger: Good. Take my suitcase to the station and I'll walk.

© September 1999 English on the Internet www.aj.cz