Have Fun 4
QuestionsThere are three ways to form questions:
"Well, you don't think I'm mowing the lawn because I want to, do you?"
Doctor: "Are you still taking the cough medicine I gave you?"
Patient: "No. I tasted it once and decided that I'd rather have cough."
How can you tell which end of the worm is its head?
Tickle its middle and see which end smiles.
"Did you miss me while I was gone?"
"Were you gone?"
"Have you read the Bible?"
"No I'm waiting for the film."
"How many sheep have you got?"
"I don't know. Every time I count them I fall asleep."
Teacher: "How far is it to Pakistan?"
Charlie: "Well, it can't be too far. My friend Tariq comes from Pakistan, and he goes home for his dinner every day."
Teacher: "Can you tell me about the Dead Sea?"
Johnny: "I didn't even know it was ill."
Teacher: "Linda, can you give me two pronouns?"
Linda: "Who, me?"
How can you tell if there's been an elephant in your fridge?
There'll be footprints in the butter?
Doctor: "Did you drink your medicine after your bath?"
Patient: "After drinking the bath I didn't have too much room for the medicine."
Teacher: "... and as you know, heat causes expansion and cold contraction. Elliot, can you give me an example?"
Elliot: "Yes, Sir. In summer when it's hot the days are longer than in winter when it's cold."
A man travelling at 130 miles per hour on the motorway was stopped by the police.
"Sorry, officer," said the driver, "was I driving too fast?"
"No, Sir. You were flying too low."
How can you tell if the elephant has been in your bedroom?
By the wrinkled sheets and the smell of peanuts.
Teacher: "How can you prove that the word is round?"
Pupil: "I never said it was, Miss."
"I don't think Mum knows much about children."
"Why do you say so?"
"Because she always puts me to bed when I'm wide awake and gets me up when I'm sleepy."
"What did you get for your birthday?"
"I got a trumpet, and it's the best present I ever got."
"My Dad gives me 50p a week not to blow it."
In a railway carriage an old lady was annoyed by a little boy who kept sniffing. Finally she asked,
"Haven't you got a handkerchief?"
"Yes," said the boy, "but my Mum wouldn't like me to lend it to a stranger."
Son: "Dad, what is a weapon?"
Dad: "It's something to fight with."
Son: "Is Mother your weapon?"
Why do birds fly south in winter?
It's too far to walk.
"Where's your sister?"
"In the house playing a piano duet. I finished first."
Sunday school teacher: "Why did Mary and Joseph take little Jesus to Jerusalem with them?"
Emily: "Was it because they couldn't get a babysitter?"
"Where do you think you're going?"
"What, with dirt all over your face?"
"No, with Charlie Green from next door."
Customer: "Waiter, what's this fly doing in my ice-cream?"
Waiter: "Looks like it's learning to ski."
Father: "Well, Sylvia, did you get best marks in your class this term?"
Sylvia: "No, Daddy. Did you get the best salary in your office?"
Did you hear about the man who went to see the optician because he saw spots in front of his eyes?
The optician gave him glasses, and now he can see the spots much better.
Teacher: "What happened to your homework?"
Jerry: "I made it into a paper plane, and somebody hijacked it!"
Father: "Why were you kept in after school, son?"
Son: "I didn't know where the Bahamas were, Dad."
Father: "Well, in future remember where you put things.?"
First policeman: "The thief got away then? Did you put guards on all the exits?"
Second policeman: "Of course we did. But he tricked us and went out through the entrance."
"Are you coming out to play?"
"No, I've got to help Dad with my homework."
"Dad, where are the Himalayas?"
"Ask your mother. She puts everything away."
"Waiter, waiter, what does this fly in the bottom of my cup mean?"
"I'm a waiter, Madam, not a fortune teller."
Teacher: "What is an autobiography?"
Student: "Er ... the life story of a car."
Why does a mother kangaroo hate rain?
Because the children have to play inside.
"What comes after the Bronze Age and the Iron Age?"
"The Heavy Metal Age, Sir!"